ARCHIE MCGROOL
Archie McGrool
Lived by the rule
Of the wild, the crazy,
The mad reckless fool.
He’d run down the street
With naught on his feet,
Running the risk
Of deep ridicule.
He’d mix cream and spam
And top it with jam
And eat it all up
While inside a pram.
And on the weekend
He’d polish his head
With butter and pork
Then go back to bed.
I’ll tell you why Archie
Acted this way
He was pecked by a starling
Early one May.
While walking along,
Calm as can be,
Down came the starling
From an oak tree.
‘Away with ye bird,’
Cried Archie ablaze
When pecked on the head
And left in a daze.
‘Away with you!
You mad Scottish fool,’
Squawked the bird as it soared
Away from McGrool.
‘Ye mad feathered fiend!’
Poor Archie screamed,
‘Ye’ve broken ma head
And caused it to bleed!’
‘I do not care!’
Screeched the bird with disdain.
'If you walk ‘neath my tree,
I’ll do it again!’
‘What makes this tree
Your tree indeed?
You’re just a bird!’
Archie crossly decreed.
‘I’ll tell you quite plainly,’
The starling did shout,
‘Why this tree is mine
Without any doubt.
For year after year,
At the onset of spring,
I've packed my bags
And taken to wing.
I've crossed over mountains
And skimmed mighty seas,
Tackled tornadoes,
Been so cold I could freeze.
I've hidden from hunters,
Both man and beast,
Avoided becoming a
Small bony feast.
After all that, I had to recall,
The tree I called home,
Through summer and fall.
I travelled first east,
Then jigged to the west,
And only at sundown
Did I get any rest.
And then come the dawn,
With cold frosty breath,
I would take to the wing
In search of this nest.
So don't you tell me,
You miserable ape,
That I can't defend
This home that I've made.'
Archie McGrool stared at the bird
And considered the tale
That he had just heard.
In all of his life
He had never known
Of such trials, such terrors,
As this bird had flown.
'I'm sorry,' he said.
'Forgive ma mad rave.
I would never have shouted
At someone so brave.
From this day on,
I give ye ma word,
I shall not annoy ye,
Nor your nest disturb.'
And with a salute
Archie went on his way,
A much-changed man
Since that fateful day.